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Oct. 11th, 2006 @ 11:01 pm By jove I think hes got it!
Right idea for silly video. I have to write it down or il forget. Me Rocking out ot heavy metal around farmyard animals for 3 minutes. hats should do the trick. Rock on

x
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Jul. 12th, 2006 @ 09:58 pm Random Entry
Current Mood: gutted with a hint of chuft
Current Music: Led Zeppelin - Black Mountain Side
For a long time now Ive done random entries, which goes against what Livejournal actually stands for, because rather than actualyl using it as a journal, I just use it to rant at other people and to make people giggle.

Most of the time I right these entrys to amuse Purdie lol.

Anyway, so I had my empty and now its over. It was damage free and I held the fort pretty well considering I was drunk for virtually all of it. I also spent a lot of it up at ye old Stephen Purdies house, who has a kinda parallel empty. Spent a lot of time with all those I love best. Seen especially a lot of Purdster and Selena, and of course Davey Mertollian and ToddFish. Its been good. Ive came across a few dilemmas, but just have to get over em and forget about it, cos being miserable is not my style.

My increasing short temper has caused many a rucus this week, but i couldnt give a fuck because, if your winding me up you deserve it. Bevy and weed dosent help particuarly but fuck it.

My birthdays soon, it better not be shit or I will actually just be full on gutted.

A certain issue has been causing many a long conversation between me and Purdie but I shall resolve it. Anyway, this is actually quite a terrible entry..hang on...... *gains back his amazing annoyance and sexiness.

Works crap, Co-ops full of arseholes. Led Zeppelin are Legendary and Maw Jury is NOT a good idea.


ENDxx
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Jun. 10th, 2006 @ 09:06 pm MBM - Must Be Mental
Current Location: If i was Martin then in the woods
Current Mood: knackered tae fuck
Current Music: Aphex Twin - Pac man (techno remix)
So, David, Gary, Robertson, Mert and Myself all embarked on an epic quest to The MBM annual camping trip. It was set this year between Cove and Coulport, on the beach next to a big field. All fair and good, but not many people seemed to be there as apposed to the previous year. Already disapointed we proceded to get bevied on what we had, and have a laugh.

It wasnt until the sun went down that a slightly bevied Me and very wasted Gary thought it be a good idea to put up Martins tent. To our disgust the midgeys were out in full force, millions of the little cunts. Anyway i had a midgey net over my head, whereas Gary didnt. I havent laughed so much in months. Garys high pitced screams of sheer pain and terror, shrill through the air, as the midges devoured his face were just too much. With tears puring down my face we erected the tent and asson KOd in it. I spilt beer every fucking where and decided not to sleep in the beer ridden tent.

it wasnt until about 3 hour later, we decided enough was enough and that wed better leg it from these midges. The lack of bus being our main problem. However we developed a plan that should get us to roseneath in around 3 hours. We would walk it.

11 miles or so later me david and robertson are alive and back at Garelochhead. Gary and Martin were killed in action. Gary disappeared drunken and dillusional, repeating that his aunt would put him up for the night who lived near by. Martin in a drunken rage decided we were going the wrong way and turned tail and fled into the woods on a vodka fueled directional catastrophy, and is probably dead.

I then had to get home which i did by about half 7 completely exhausted and racked with pain. i got 4 hours sleep and i was off to work.

Now im home and can barely move enough to type. Proud though we are of our massive treck to safety and bus heaven ( david pinched one off when he saw the bus).

So to sum up all i can say is I hope Martins not dead, hes probably turned into mogely from the jungle book out there, riding naked bareback on a huge deer. And Garys probably still looking for his Aunt.

It was a giggle.. but never again.

Au revoir

Ross aka Gandalf ( the role i played on the epic quest to Garelochhead)


P.S God Bless Pinchy the Crab
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Jun. 8th, 2006 @ 09:10 pm Surprise Cock Fags!
Current Music: The Good the Bad and the Ugly Theme
Yo everybody, what the hell i still write on this for, i dont know. People get all deep and meaningful an I have absolutely fuck all to say bout that. I have more interesting things to do with my time like find a youtube video of Jessica Simpsons boobs bouncing.. seriously i found it.

Anyhow I passed my theory, so get it up you all those who would have secretly assumed 'oh its fucking ross hel shaft it'. Oh and a thankyou to Selena who was the only person who thought to wish me luck before i did my test, which meant a lot given the last wee while.

So onwards and upwards to driving eh, i think il be a reasonably good driver, cant see why not, though i do have an element of dread lingering about my mind that the influence of lads such as Davey and Martin may affect my driving slightly lol.


Suck my BALLS

So Gary sent me all the old footage we did when we were younger, like 16 or something. haha its so good we all look so keen and happy with what wer doing, i miss those days.

MBM tomorrow! Merty boy, The L, Masson and myself will be embarking on a proper camping escapade which will involve no shitters and a 150cl bottle of Martini! I may include some beer in that Line up also. So anyway yeh, one of my random pishy updates that everyone reads and goes, fuck man this guys strange. Well i say fuck you and your mothers

Oh yeh and i know how al u boners get a stiff one if you get a mention so hello everyone hahaha

Au revoir cock fags
xx
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May. 13th, 2006 @ 12:02 pm (no subject)
Current Location: Hame soon to be the dentist
Current Mood: missing a chunk of tooth
Current Music: Hot Chip - Boy from School
Such a fucking funny night, cant get any better than this!

Me and Graeme cant do our exam cos its too hard, so we leave half way through, and walk to the West End where we meet Graemes, drunken friend Matt. We then proceed on route to the G.U's tiny beer garden, where there is bevvy and much rejoicing, once david finally arrives. Then we bevy more inside, and play pool, where Matt punches out one of the roof panels. Once wer fairly sozzled we wander out of the GU but not before, Matt headbutts a table, i run into a door and push Graeme down stairs, and he throws his pint over me.

After a long and epic quest from the G.U to The Western pub, where it became apparent that this pub was rather rough shortly after entering. We were presented with a massive variety of beer...Miller and only miller. A few drinks later we had befriended a wee old dude named 'Wee George'. We George entertained us with his amazing drunken patter before falling through a door. Prior to this paddy the buskercame in and befriended us, and delighted us with some classics on the guitar, i mean this guy was good.

Before i know it Matt challenges me to a game of rock paper scissors, where the forefit is to head butt a door. I lost and headbutted the door, and to my disgust i shattered the top half of my bottom tooth out. Nice.

After a gutted period and David and his drunken efforts to find the tooth which i had promptly spat out, we left bought hash and got stoned.

Back at Matts flat i was later informed that someone had invited Paddy the busker back to his flat hahaha. So we got our own personal gig with paddy doing some of his own songs. ( this guy will do well, hes pretty damn good ) once paddy managed to escape our drunken clutches i fell asleep and david and matt watched a movie once Mikey and Graeme had left.

They watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Traffic then kipped also.

FIN
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May. 4th, 2006 @ 07:38 pm (no subject)
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Ross Jim Paterson
Birthday:16/07/87
Birthplace:Dumfermline
Current Location:Cardross
Eye Color:blue
Hair Color:blonde
Height:6ft 2inches
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage:Scottish
The Shoes You Wore Today:my white converse
Your Weakness:todds cheap moans when he plays Ugly Fuck
Your Fears:Grace, Barbara, surgery
Your Perfect Pizza:I dont pizza that much but prolly peperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:pass my exams
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:earthworm jim peelback
Thoughts First Waking Up:why am i next to grace
Your Best Physical Feature:my fro
Your Bedtime:whenever depends wats happenin
Your Most Missed Memory:cant remeber
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:MacDos
Single or Group Dates:Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:what the fuck is Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:Milk lemondae CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or Coffee:Coffee
Do you Smoke:only James Brown
Do you Swear:only at martin
Do you Sing:I man im great
Do you Shower Daily:aye man, the only way
Have you Been in Love:nah
Do you want to go to College:im at uni pal
Do you want to get Married:at some point
Do you belive in yourself:course otherwise i wouldnt exist
Do you get Motion Sickness:aye man
Do you think you are Attractive:aye man
Are you a Health Freak:nah man
Do you get along with your Parents:my dads a legend, my mums kool to
Do you like Thunderstorms:aye man
Do you play an Instrument:yeh the picalo
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:course
In the past month have you Smoked:aye actualyl but i was bevd
In the past month have you been on Drugs:aye man
In the past month have you gone on a Date:nah man sad cunt
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:mall! ahhaha nah man
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:SHITE
In the past month have you been on Stage:nah
In the past month have you been Dumped:nah
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:aye in martins bath
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:martins mums pants
Ever been Drunk:have i not already awnsered this question
Ever been called a Tease:nope
Ever been Beaten up:yup
Ever Shoplifted:nope
How do you want to Die:saving someones life ( a hot chick preferably)
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:a man
What country would you most like to Visit:Canada
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:dont mind
Favourite Hair Color:brunette
Short or Long Hair:depends
Height:tallish
Weight:slimish ( i dont want a hefer lets be honest)
Best Clothing Style:who the fuck cares
Number of Drugs I have taken:1
Number of CDs I own:tonnes
Number of Piercings:none man
Number of Tattoos:none man
Number of things in my Past I Regret:loads a things

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
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Jan. 15th, 2006 @ 09:37 pm CURSES
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: The Llama Song
Well friday was a giggle. Todd invites me up to Glasgow to hang with me and Martin. I had work til 9, however still went up. For some reason i bought 4 litres of cider, got bout half way through it at Todds, before we went on a mission to the Strathcylde Union.

Strathclyde Union was kool, as usual. However to much booze later and i was lying on the floor outside the lift, barfing and shouting at passers by. I was then chucked out by a big cunt, who said something like 'One Male, No Assistance' and i was promptly escorted of the premises.

Next thing i know im lying on todds floor with some bird shouting hes having a fit, to which i replied in a drunken tone 'I'm *hick* Hickuppin!'

So me and Mert go home later on Saturday, and i feel rough all day and am sick twice. However i do complete The Punisher on xbox, which me made me feel a little better.
Ah well, i think il go watch Romeo Must Die, mup for a bit of Kung Foo, before bed.

Il leave you with a bit of a song. America, FUCK YEH, something something, to save the MOTHER FUCKING DAY YEH! America, FUCK YEH, JUSTICE is the only way yeh, TERRORISTS YOUR GAME IS THROUGH AND NOW ITS TIME TO AWNSER TO AMERICA FUCK YEH!

Chow
THIS IS NOW ABOUT SEX GARY, ITS ABOUT TRUST!!!
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Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 07:36 pm My Current need for Lycra
Current Mood: quality
Current Music: ABC - Poison Arrow
Since posing as spiderman this weekend at todds great fun halloween birthday bash, i have a constant need to feel lycra on my skin. It was soo good just knowing i had a fucking lycra spidey outfit on beneath my upper layers of clothing.

Halloween parties are well good. Todds was especially good, i mean for fuck sake we had a slutty nun, a foxy cave girl 2! 2 i say, Pvc police woman outfits *drool* i was simply amazed, and of course some amazingly handsome guy in a spidey suit.

The funnest fucking thing was when my requested song Poison Arrow by ABC an 1983 classic came on, and the dance floor which was full emptied ahahaha. FUCK U U 80s haters! Sal soo funny.

Todd was loving my 'To a great Uncle' birthday card i gave him hahaha. Thats classic seriously. But yeh, what a fun night, however gareth did whack me in the eye with a balloon, it hurt like shit, he deserves to be spit roasted by 2 tory Mps for that hahaha.

Anyway oh yes and my beard progress is coming a long. the main aim is to get my tash stubble to join with my jaw stubble and its happened!

I am also looking foward to going to dundee next weekend to stay with carly, shes giving me her bed, what a gal.

ah well im off to talk shite physically

Yours truley, the real spiderman xxxxxx
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Oct. 2nd, 2005 @ 03:21 pm 2nd October 2005
Current Mood: enegmatic
Current Music: REM - Man on the Moon
I WANT TO FINISH THB2, if it not for the complications, the film would have been completed weeks ago. However nothing comes without complications. Everyone involved in the original filming of the Trigger Happy Bastards 2 movie still remain here, on the West Coast. Be that as it may, noone has made an effort to try and obtain information, to who is available and when, so as to work out a date when it would be appropriate to complete filming. I, myself have to admit that I also have not made that much of an effort to actually physically do something about it. That is not the point though. The point is NOONE has tried to make plans.

I dont even know why i bother writing this stuff as only martin reads live journal. I didnt even go for a drink this weekend. Im going for one tonight! I need one..this weekend has been very much an average one. I shall meet up with Mr Aaron Meikle and possibly get in contact with the Human L.

This week shall probably be more exciting than the last, with university throwing classes our way. We shall see, Ms Johnson and myself shall embark on an interesting new venture into the unknown.

I salute you

Mr R. Paterson
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Sep. 24th, 2005 @ 02:10 pm Last Night was fucking Amazing
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: steely dan
So I phone David, suggesting we should do something. I ask, 'David have u got an empty?' he replies 'Yeh my Dads away til Monday'. So we decided to rally the troops and go to Davids, with about 5 people saying they would go. MOST CANCELLED. So therefore we were left with me, purdie and david. Hahaha i hear u say unlucky u keynts. However after a trip to haddows we ha sufficient enough booze to get us rat arsed.

Anyway so we drank a bit and thought fuck this, lets go get scran, so we did. Mr Kebabs was fun pished. We then decided on an asda mission, but by morrisons it was decided fuck it, lets go to The Yard! So half cut we approached the yard at about 12.10am , once inside we got the drinks in. The place was buzzing and it was amazin. Purdie bumped into Bryony so we had a chat to her for a bit and played pool, was superb. Then at like 1 we fucked off and went to Asda!

Once outside asda (by this time we were out our tits) i cant actually remeber going into asda, just kina flashes of David paying almost a £10 for a skeleton suit, and me buying a pirate mask, purdie went missing. Outside we got dressed up and the cops came over and we got pulled up. They let us go after we explain we were smashed and were on root hameward. The police woman was laughing at David ahahaha.

Once we went on a recon mission for purdie we discovere he had bought a naff monster mask and a battle axe. We then went home shouting 'GARR I BE PIRATE STEVE HAVE U GOT ANY BURIED TREASURE' to passers by.

Davids house was our safe haven, david caved in first and went to kipage, i went next and purdie stayed up and watched the Punisher til like half 3.

Wer goin out again tonight lol.
END x
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Sep. 6th, 2005 @ 12:28 pm Respect the Cave
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: radiohead - street spirit
Well me and David though it would be a good plan yesterday to go to the Clydebank. We went with intent to play pool. We did play pool, after David spent like 20 mins on the Puggy and managed to loose yet more cash. Pool was amusing, with the phrase 'whats wrong with brown' being linked in many a skillful way into our conversations. After pool David proceded to spend another 25 minutes on the puggy and to my disgust managed to win the jackpot, which almost belittled my argument that puggys are a waste of money and time.
After we had a small disagreement and a long silence of annoyance, we went back to talking the usual balls and taking the rip out of losers who deserved it.
My second plan for the night was to go and see The Island, since i was supposed to see it twice already and failed. We went to UCI and i was once again disgusted at the fact that the Isalnd was no longer showing. Gutted we had to settle for The Cave.

The Cave was pretty baws. We found more amusement refering to the ugly Hobbit from Lost. Phrases such as 'Buckle berry Ferry!!! In a totally shit voice. I laughed all through the film. However there were to phrases from the film that were fucking cheap and funny. Here they are :
'Now remeber guys..Respect the Cave'' - Token muscley black guy.
'There some kind of eels' - Cheap pointless attractive female scientist

We then went hameward, and i ate tuna.

FIN xx
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Aug. 31st, 2005 @ 06:47 pm Brown George
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: The Police - Roxanne
Well went on mission to Glasgow today, to see a film. Me and gay Dave got a lift off his mum to Glasgow, and went through many a detour. Anyhow once in Glasgow it was decided that we should go and see Unleashed. Which to my astonishment is set in Glasgow, i mean COME ON! Morgan Freeman, Bob Hoskins and Jet Lei in Glasgow motherfucker, we even recognised some of the places!! The film was actually surprisingly good. Then we decided to name Davids shoes Brown George, for reasons u shall not kno. Thus the day shal be called The Great Journey of Brown George

Know im kind of bored, i have nout to do really. I think il just stay in and watch Lost, then mabey stick on a game or a dvd. Kool Beans

Oh and Mert i am actually know considering buying an animal costume.

Ross Out xx
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Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 10:38 pm The Great High Beavers War
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: none
For ages, all animals in the world of Tenioposum, lived in peace and harmony. There were never any battles between the peoples of the colonys in this world. The two main races of Tenioposum were the Giant Beavers, a noble and proud race. The beavers stood at around 8ft tall, and wer ruled over by the Great High Beaver of The Damn. The other race were the Mighty Penguins, a cunning bunch. The Penguins moved under the orders of Harold the Penguin King. Harold was not ver nice at times, in fact he was a bit of a dickhead, he also suffered from a mild form of tirettes.

At some point in the long history of Tenioposum, there was a feud between the two great races. Noone is sure wat happened, though some of the older beavers say that Harold Penguin King of the Snow and all things White, had slept with The High Beavers missus, but noone can be certain. For 100s of years now the two races have fought in vast numbers, in huge and often terribly violent and quiet repulsive battles. Join Marvin the Beaver on his adventure into the unknown world of tenioposum, and follow him threw battles many. Prepare to be astonished.

Extract taken from Marvin and the Penguin King, written by critically aclaimed novelist Ross Paterson

NOT IN SHOPS SOON
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Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 02:09 pm HANUS
Current Mood: radio rental
Current Music: Crazy ned beats apparently lol
Last nite was fucking hanus, uuuuuuuughhhhhhh cant believe how bad it was now looking back on it. Got absolutely no sleep due to the fact there were was no preperation for guests to get beds. Was one of probably 3 drunk people and the sad thing was like 13 or so people went. Also had a stupid argument bout my lack of care for my personal safety with garys brother and was called a 'ned'. Still cant get over that narrow sighted view, oh well. IT was just a fucking shite, as me anddavid agreed on our 45 minute walk to helensburg since we missed the bus.

Ive been in bed since 8.15 this morning, and im feeling ok actually, but the train journey home sucked. WE eneded up having to chat to that weird james guy from school uuggghhhhh.

Oh well not impressed, hope someone has a good party soon, without boring people thriving on the idea that they are to mature to get wasted and have a laugh.

:( Au revoir

Ross the Ned
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Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 12:43 pm Tuna Mayonaise
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Mint Royale - Singing in the rain remix
Bloody fantastic is the term i currently use when defining how good tuna mayonaise actually is, i dont kno weather its the creamy mayo, the salty succulent tuna or maybe its just it all combined. MMMM anyway just updated to tell everyone that i just made a tuna sandwhich and its fucking amazing.

FIN
The Green Gobbler
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Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 01:40 pm Minibeasts with Paterson
Current Mood: dirty
Current Music: The Ugly Bug Ball
Hello, and welcome to MiniBeasts with Paterson, in todays installment i am going to inform you of the current progress of my Triops. Triops are small crustaceans, not unlike horseshoe crab, only on a much smaller scale. They have three eyes hence the name Triops. There are now only 3 Triops left as Frank died yesterday after being fed a piece of McVities Choclate Digestive. The three remaining triops, Picasso, Solid Snake and Benshaw are doing fine.

I would also like to take some time to describe to you how much i hate flies. There pesky and deserve to die, a little bit like Osama Binladen. I am considering making up a club called, 'The I Hate Pesky Fly Club' If you want to join text I hate flies to 07981978717 with your name underneath. Thanks

And now to read out some emails. The first ones from a young lady from Cardross called Carly Flemming, and she writes to say, wheres my frickin Triops. Well my awnser to that is, in my tank.

Well folks thats all weve got time for on Minibeasts with Paterson.
Im Ross Paterson thanks for reading folks...Chow x
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Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 01:28 pm Wats that all about!?
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Dare - Gorillaz
AHA! Yesterday was a good day, i went filming for the fifth time. Trigger Happy Bastards, your local cult classic is slowly coming together folks, and im lovin it. Theres probably about 20 times the amount of dead people than there was in THB1! Sadly not everyone can attend, namely Gary! For some reason who never comes filming, uch useless.

Proceded to go home and was phoned by Meikle Knight suggesting a friendly jolt to the pub. One friendly jolt later we had a couple of bottles of beer in our hands and wer playing pool with two neds 'fae the bonhill mon'. Plus Spraggs and his mates were down so we had a laugh and played a few games of doubles. Drunkeness did eventually creep up on me, however i wasnt that bad. Cant be arsed with people in general at the moment except when im filming, im kina in a bad mood. Dont know why.

Keeping myself busy mind you, with work and filming. Once the films done itl be amazing cant wait, if only you new what it feels like to have a dvd in your collection that u actually star in and helped make.

Filming and beer and good company all in the same day... fantastic

Au revoir
Sargent Rick Thompson xx
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Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 02:04 pm Life is Gooooood
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Africa in the cardross inn
Life is gooood at the moment for about 4 different reasons.

Reason 1 - Martin and myself have arranged already two different filming days, and so far THB2 is going well, wev already had 5 people involved so far and we need more people to do terrorist cameos as numbers are low and its causing some filming difficulties. However it can be safely said that this will look and sound better than the original THB, and wer having great fun making it.

Reason 2 - Got the results I need to get into Uni so thats a hell of a lot of preasure and stress gone, and i got my bad ass A in art, cos im skilled with my hands ;)

Reason 3 - I get payed next week and the moneys good, so i can afford any level of utter pointless shite, such as a new Darth Vader Helmet that talks.

Reason 4 - Theres still 3 weeks of the holiday left in which i plan to go camping some place fun with the gang for a few days if anyones up for it.

What a superb list of things

FIN x
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Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 12:54 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: Sith Rage
Current Music: Imperial March
Star Wars Meme by sailor_phobos
1st 2 Ltrs of 1stname + Last 3 Ltrs of last name
1st 2ltrs of moms last name+Last 3ltrs of city brn
Sith or Jedi Sith
Skin Color Blue
Eye Color Black
Light Saber Color Red
How close you are to switching sides: 16%



Username
You're Random Star Wars Quote: That's no moon. It's a space station.
Your Padawan (if you're a jedi) iaineek
Your apprentice (if you're a sith) the_masquerade
You're Master jelly_man69

Quiz created with MemeGen!
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Aug. 3rd, 2005 @ 06:46 pm FOUL MOOD
Current Mood: foul
Current Music: fantastic war film opera beats
Im in a foul mood, i demand that everyone sits down and thinks about how boring there all being. Nothing big has be organised for weeks! Have you all just abandoned the idea of mates kicking about for no reason, apparently these days we have to be 'doing something'. BAH I want a house party! The days of the Emptys were fantastic, and its a sad sad thing to see people i havent seen for weeks only when there is the oppertunity to get drunk or arse about in someones house. As far as im concerened noone is making an effort except mabey 2 or 3 people.

WAT THE FUCKING FUCK! this is disgraceful a lot of people are going to uni in a few months and we prolly wont see much of each other anymore, but thats ok cos noone seems to care its disgusting. I care damn it. At least there will be the select few who are staying aroudn glasgow, so i wont be too lonely and i guess il make new friends at uni to. Bugger it.

I want to arrange a holiday htingy or even just a decent camping trip thatl last a couple of days.

MERD

Yours truthfully

Ross

PS sorry if i offended but its true u kno

i love u all
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